I’m both in awe that the Lord’s prompting of my heart indicating He was about to lead me somewhere new proved true and overwhelmed by where that has taken me.
If you missed the post about ending the wait and preparing to get ready, a few months ago the mundaneness of everyday slowly faded into restlessness, and I knew He was about to do something.
I just didn’t know what that would look like.
As the weeks went by, fear invaded like it does when I’m brought to a place between hoping and receiving, having no idea what would be placed in my hands – if anything at all.
I was struggling. I prayed for new understanding of His goodness. I waited to see how He would answer, knowing without a doubt that when we pray to see and know more of Him, He will always give with abundance.
Because when we make Him our highest desire, so that we can take more delight in Him, He will fulfill the longings of our heart. If you seek Him, you will find Him.
But how He answers the request – that’s what I don’t typically understand.
The what is known.
Himself. Everything we’re commanded to pray for is grounded in the foundation of requesting more of Him – that our heart, thoughts, actions, provision, hope, and the world around us would align with His will.
The how is unknown.
And it’s scary. We do not understand His ways, even when we know the circumstances will somehow be used to accomplish the ultimate purpose.
To draw every element of who we are to Himself.
Right now, my how looks like the pieces of my life torn and scattered on the ground with an audacious command not to look down, but to keep my eyes fixed on His.
Don’t look at what is broken. Wait to see how it will be made whole.
Keep waiting even if wholeness only remains a promise of eternity and the hint is too hard to see in this temporary life.
He asked me to leave the pieces on the altar.
These things can only be given from the altar, is what He whispered as the glow from the pages of His Word lit up the literal darkness in the middle of the night. I assumed that meant a surrendered state of the heart and a thought in the back of my mind that I could live without these things, if I really had to. Hoping I never would.
But it meant sacrificing – maybe for a moment, maybe for a lifetime – and choosing to ask for more of Him instead of asking for them back.
And not knowing what will happen next.
Yet knowing still this is the pathway to what He has ordained. To answer the ultimate cry of the heart to know, experience, and see. Fulfilling the foundational reality of each prayer on our lips.
Faith means trusting the pathway is good; the outcome is good; the goodness is good even if it does not fit within my definition. It means setting aside the worry, putting hands to work, and reorienting life not around what is assumed but what is assured.
We assume life gets better and knowing God is in control means the hurt will give way to comfort before the end of our days.
Assurance knows the trials end, yet rarely in our timeframe and not typically, not wholly, while the world is still bound by sin. Still, the flickering remains. Hope burns brightest in the darkness.
The glow fills our eyes of a holy blinding to the pieces on the ground we aren’t meant to grab. You don’t need to look. The mending process is not ours.
And assurance promises the pieces will fit together. No matter what pieces are taken away; no matter what pieces are added; no matter how they are rearranged; they will fit. You don’t have to force it or fix it. They will be restored and something new will be made.
Something for our good.
It’s time to put away the old – the comfortable and complacent – and not try to protect and withhold.
He has not withheld Himself. He has not denied us the ultimate good in the promise of eternity. He will provide.
He will keep our sight on Him, pick up the pieces, and miraculously put them together to create something more beautiful than you could ever imagine.
Come, let us return to the LORD. He has torn us to pieces; now he will heal us. He has injured us; now he will bandage our wounds. In just a short time he will restore us, so that we may live in his presence. Oh, that we might know the LORD! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring. – Hosea 6:1-3