Sometimes God speaks in the early morning hours after a sleepless night, and the sound of His voice echoing into your heart feels a lot like breathing for the first time in a long time.
The more I have to make decisions about my future, near and distant, the more I’m afraid to surrender those plans to God to do with them what He will. I don’t want to be pointed in the opposite direction and find that everything I thought I wanted was never meant to happen. I know God’s plans for me are better than my own, but that doesn’t mean it will never hurt when I finally see the two aren’t the same.
Somehow I think what He wants to do in my life is dependent on how well I surrender – if I’m not sincere enough or if I don’t let go in time, then surely He’ll wipe the slate clean and put my life on hold until I can learn to do what He asks. Surely He’ll take it away to teach me what I should know by now.
But seeing the light barely begin to touch my window this morning reminded me I cannot control God; and He is gracious, not withholding His good gifts from His children.
Surrendering my own desires doesn’t change God’s plan for my life. It changes my heart.
It’s not about God testing my worthiness or requiring me to earn what comes next. He wants my heart, and He’s most concerned about my hope being in Him rather than in what He wants to give me.
I believe that God has planned out all of my life since day one and there is nothing anyone in this world can do to interfere with that. He will lead me to where He wants me to go. So the only thing up for discussion is if I try to follow Him with my hands clasped tightly around this world while missing the opportunity to know my Creator or if my hands are opened to know and receive all of Him.
Which would you choose?
It may not be as easy as it sounds, even if the right choice seems clear on paper. But what I know to be true is that this world has nothing that can fill my heart.